a blog?

SO if no one reads this, that is okay, but I've been looking on the internet for some sort of legitimate (i'm even including random blogs in this) resource on how annoying being a diabetic is, and there aren't any.  I feel like everyone I find is either 50 years old or perfect, neither of which help me at all.  I'm a 20 year old girl who likes to go out a lot, travel, and more or less pretend she isn't diabetic.  I've had it since I was 9, but somehow 11 years of a disease has not led to any form of acceptance.  I feel like I've never met another diabetic who hates it as much as I do, or who seems to have as many mental ramifications.  Most diabetics I meet (type 1, that is) seem happy as a clam to have the disease, and love to tell others about it.  "Where you staring at the hyperbolic needle I just injected into my leg? Oh, well let me tell you, it contains insulin, which I need because my pancreas no longer works.   That's right, I have type 1 diabetes, otherwise known as Juvenile Diabetes.  Want to see my blood?" 

I, for one, have never been the type to be proud of my disease.  When I was on shots, I would go into the bathroom to inject.  Now that I'm on the pump, I always tuck it into the lining of my pants, and wouldn't be caught dead in one of those clips on my belt, completes with illuminated pump and corn trailing around my waist.  While I hope to continue my trend of lack of self-importance over a disease, one thing is for certain; I cannot keep living like I am hiding some huge secret.  It is getting far too tiring.  I can't stand it anymore.  And yes, diabetes fucking sucks my ass off.  I hate it.  I'd rather skin a live cat every day (and I have three and love them) than have to give myself a bolus or check my blood sugar or feel high, but at the present moment, I can't change the disease.  But I can change my embarrassment over it  Granted, this will definitely not happen over night, but I feel like I've tried a lot of ways to accept my diabetes, and none of them have worked.  

So I'm going to try writing.  I can't read any more of those pure-ass diabetes blogs about guys named Todd who just gosh darn hate getting low when they're on the golf course, but can't complain about their 4.9 A1C.  Well I want to talk about the real stuff.  Like, when you're hooking up with a guy, and you're drunk, and you only met him 20 minutes ago, Where the fuck do you put your pump? Because I can't quite figure that one out.  And that isn't explained in any book.  And also, when you get so frustrated you can't stand it, and all you want to do is vent to someone who understands, you end up empty handed, because people don't want to hear about an incurable, chronic disease, no matter how close you are.  For this and many yet to be revealed reasons, I christen my blog.  Mazel Tov.  

-Coli